Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the ways in which we try to protect ourselves from hurt, pain, or difficulties. The first thoughts that come to mind are ones that have to do with money. If you step back and look at our culture from a distanced perspective, we actually seem a little crazy. We are so scared of losing comfort and stability that we pour money into savings accounts and are obsessive about having a “safety cushion” of money in the bank in the chance that anything might go wrong.
Now, I’m not against saving. I actually think saving can be extremely wise stewardship of your money. The point I am trying to make is that we often step way beyond wise stewardship to just plain lack of faith, making an idol out of comfort and security. Saving thousands of dollars for ourselves, and yet being unwilling to give because we don’t want to touch our monetary security blanket. We protect ourselves from any foreseeable financial disaster, while most of the rest of the world is unsure where they will get the money for food today.
I’m very much guilty of this myself, worrying much more than I should about money and finances, holding tight to what I have because I am afraid that if I let it go, I will not have what I need. I’d like to claim that being in grad school does this to a person. You are taking out loans for thousands of dollars that you will have to pay back in just a few short years, all the while making just enough money while in school to pay rent and buy food. It’s definitely a test of faith, especially since I did not have to be in this position. However, I know that I had this tendency long before I entered grad school. It comes out more now because by coming to Covenant I am choosing to go into debt and I feel the weight of that responsibility. But I can remember worrying about money while I was in undergrad as well, when I wasn’t taking out loans for anything.
The summer between my junior and senior years of college, the Lord taught me a huge lesson in financial security, faith, and sacrifice. I had the privilege to travel to Zambia with Crusade on a summer project, where we participated in student ministry on two different college campuses, and visited a couple of orphanages. I had been to impoverished communities before going to Zambia, but for some reason the poverty we saw there struck me in a way that it hadn’t before. I didn’t just feel heartbroken for the people we were working with who had next to nothing, I also felt conviction. Spending daily time in the Word, I was reminded about what the church is called to, what is an essential part of ushering in the kingdom of God on this earth: ministering to the poor and needy. This is something that was supposed to be a main characteristic of the Israelite community in the Old Testament, one of the primary characteristics that set them apart from other nations. In Isaiah 58:6-7, the Lord says to the nation of Israel:
“‘Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—when you see the naked to cloth him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?”
Fighting for justice, giving to those who are needy, to those who are hungry and have nothing, loving and serving those who the world despises and rejects, this is what the kingdom of God looks like. It was on that trip that, as a believer, I felt the weight of this calling and the ways that I had not embraced it in my life. I felt the Lord asking me to give in immense financial ways when I returned to the States, because financial security was an idol He was desperate to rid me of. My senior year of college was marked by having to trust the Lord in ways I had not let myself before. And I saw Him show up, I watched as He brought people and circumstances in my life to give me just what I needed and no more. It was an amazing time of growth in my life in this area, and in my understanding of what it looks like to participate in ushering in the kingdom of God on this earth.
I’m forgetful, though. I still struggle with trusting the Lord that coming to Covenant was the best decision financially. When it comes time to pay my tuition bill, I feel the strain because I’m being asked for something I don’t actually have. But I’m finding it worth it. I’m learning, I’m growing, and I’m beginning to understand that if I am committed to walking with the Lord it will most likely be like this for the rest of my life. He will ask me to give until it hurts, to take steps of faith and ask for Him to provide when I am unsure how that will happen.
He has given me a great example of this in the form of my new church, New City, in watching how they are faithful with their finances, always pouring into ministry that God calls them to, even when they are unsure where those finances will come from. And He reminds me through His Word in those moments that I am tempted to panic. I want my life to reflect the characteristics of God’s kingdom, and that means giving up my comfort and security, believing that what I will gain is so much more valuable. And knowing my flesh and how it fights this, I’m asking others to hold me accountable to living the way that God has called me to. I know it will be hard, but I also know it will be beyond worth it.
“Then you’re light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard…If you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness and your night will become like the noonday. The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.” Isaiah 58:8,10-11
“Do not worry, saying ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:31-34
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