Sometimes the world just doesn’t make sense to me. And it is revealing; my soul knows this is not how it was supposed to be.
I have been learning a lot in seminary. Theology. How the Lord is so much bigger than I ever imagined. Psychology. How our brains function. How the functioning of our brains affects how we experience God. How much modernist and post-modernist thoughts have affected the way we look at God and the Church and Scripture and life. I’ve learned so much that I couldn’t possibly write it all down. And out of all of this information and wisdom, this is what sticks out to me: The way our world is now is not the way it was meant to be, and all of our pain and struggle balances on this single fact. Just look around; I am not the only one who knows this to be true. All humanity remembers how things were meant to be, otherwise pain, suffering, loss and heartache would not seem so wrong to us.
The other day I was talking about this with one of my roommate’s cousins. She isn’t a Christian. But I shared with her anyway because hey, I’m going through hard times, and she’s going through hard times. I wanted to be real with her, whether I thought she would agree with me or not. As we were sharing with each other a little bit of the pain we were feeling from life at the moment, I asked her, “Don’t you think that pain seems so out of place in our lives? Why is that? It happens to everyone, so why does loss seem so wrong?” She didn’t really respond, so I said, “I think it’s because it was never supposed to be this way. We weren’t made to experience loss this deep, so deep it cuts into our soul. It’s an intruder in life.” She looked at me for a minute, and then said: “You know, that’s a bold statement. But I think you might be right.”
I think loss is probably one of the most painful things to experience. Whether it’s through separation, broken relationships, or death, the pain of loss threatens to overwhelm us. Sin, death, evil…they don’t really make sense. In her book Epic of Eden, Sandra Richter explains this well, saying:
Humanity somehow knows that it should not die, even though in all remembered experience humanity has died. And this sixth sense is not restricted to those who believe. No, all of the sons of Adam and the daughters of Eve somehow know that [humanity] is not what they are supposed to be, that there is something profoundly wrong with the world as it is. I believe this sense is evidence of the residual presence of the image of God in humanity. (116-117)
There is something profoundly wrong with the world as it is. And I feel this, even more so in the past few weeks than I have in a while. However, this realization is not pushing me to despair at depravity in quite the same way as it has before. Does pain still hurt deeply? Yes. But my perspective on it has changed so much in the past few years. In some ways, realizing that death and trials reflect the reality that humanity is not what it should be, and that it is our responsibility that the world is this way, it makes the pain deeper and more real. But it also gives me a breath of hope, a joy in the midst of the storm of life.
This change in perspective comes from the fact that I know God has seen the destruction of sin, and He has not sat by idly. He is angry, He is burning with fury at the way sin has attacked His creation and with a deep desire to make things right. So much so that He sent His own Son to be crucified on our behalf, that sin and death would no longer have ultimate power. He is coming to make things new, to make things right again. He will fulfill His intended purposes for His creation, and I am included in that creation. Because of Christ, I experience redemption now, and in the future to come. How beautiful is that? I am redeemed. And this is what gives me joy, the fact that God is in the process of redeeming ALL of His creation, and He will one day come live among us. That is the day that I am waiting for, and the hope that holds my gaze when I don’t know how to deal with my own sin or the struggles that come my way.
In many ways, being here at Covenant has really increased my sensitivity to how much this world doesn’t reflect the Lord’s original intention and desire for His creation. We still retain the image of God, but it is a broken and marred image. The more I learn about how things were supposed to be, the more the absence of the “supposed to” pains me. Yet, God is patient, and so I must be as well. In the meantime, while I wait for the beautiful and incomprehensible reality that awaits me (and all of the Church) when the Lord will make all things new, I will strive to bring some of that redemption here on this earth.
“‘Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’ He who was seated on the throne said, ‘I am making everything new!’…” Revelation 21:3-5a
Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.
Agreed. Beautiful.
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