Beautiful Things

"You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You are making me new
Oh You are making me new"

Gungor says it such amazing words.  God has made something beautiful out of me.  He has made something beautiful out of the dust and depravity that was our inheritance.  Out of the mire rises the Church, the bride of Christ who's blood has paid our ransom and bought our way back to Yahweh.  And now we await the day when all creation will be made new.  Which reminds me of another Gungor song that I find myself listening to over and over again:

"Create in me a clean heart,
for I have turned my face from you.
Save us from our ways, oh God
oh God,
for we have turned away from you.
Lord have mercy.

We will run to you,
we will run to you.
Turning from our sin we return to you.
Father heal your world,
make all things new

Your love and mercy
build us, shape us
break and then recreate us now.
Lord, have mercy.

Oh bring us back to you,
oh bring us back to you"

Now that is beautiful <3

The One Where All Things Are Made New

Sometimes the world just doesn’t make sense to me.  And it is revealing; my soul knows this is not how it was supposed to be.

I have been learning a lot in seminary.  Theology. How the Lord is so much bigger than I ever imagined. Psychology.  How our brains function.  How the functioning of our brains affects how we experience God. How much modernist and post-modernist thoughts have affected the way we look at God and the Church and Scripture and life. I’ve learned so much that I couldn’t possibly write it all down. And out of all of this information and wisdom, this is what sticks out to me: The way our world is now is not the way it was meant to be, and all of our pain and struggle balances on this single fact. Just look around; I am not the only one who knows this to be true.  All humanity remembers how things were meant to be, otherwise pain, suffering, loss and heartache would not seem so wrong to us.

The other day I was talking about this with one of my roommate’s cousins.  She isn’t a Christian.  But I shared with her anyway because hey, I’m going through hard times, and she’s going through hard times.  I wanted to be real with her, whether I thought she would agree with me or not. As we were sharing with each other a little bit of the pain we were feeling from life at the moment, I asked her, “Don’t you think that pain seems so out of place in our lives? Why is that? It happens to everyone, so why does loss seem so wrong?”  She didn’t really respond, so I said, “I think it’s because it was never supposed to be this way.  We weren’t made to experience loss this deep, so deep it cuts into our soul. It’s an intruder in life.”  She looked at me for a minute, and then said: “You know, that’s a bold statement. But I think you might be right.” 

I think loss is probably one of the most painful things to experience.  Whether it’s through separation, broken relationships, or death, the pain of loss threatens to overwhelm us.  Sin, death, evil…they don’t really make sense.  In her book Epic of Eden, Sandra Richter explains this well, saying:

Humanity somehow knows that it should not die, even though in all remembered experience humanity has died.  And this sixth sense is not restricted to those who believe. No, all of the sons of Adam and the daughters of Eve somehow know that [humanity] is not what they are supposed to be, that there is something profoundly wrong with the world as it is. I believe this sense is evidence of the residual presence of the image of God in humanity. (116-117)

There is something profoundly wrong with the world as it is. And I feel this, even more so in the past few weeks than I have in a while.  However, this realization is not pushing me to despair at depravity in quite the same way as it has before.  Does pain still hurt deeply? Yes.  But my perspective on it has changed so much in the past few years.  In some ways, realizing that death and trials reflect the reality that humanity is not what it should be, and that it is our responsibility that the world is this way, it makes the pain deeper and more real.  But it also gives me a breath of hope, a joy in the midst of the storm of life.

 This change in perspective comes from the fact that I know God has seen the destruction of sin, and He has not sat by idly.  He is angry, He is burning with fury at the way sin has attacked His creation and with a deep desire to make things right.  So much so that He sent His own Son to be crucified on our behalf, that sin and death would no longer have ultimate power.  He is coming to make things new, to make things right again.  He will fulfill His intended purposes for His creation, and I am included in that creation.  Because of Christ, I experience redemption now, and in the future to come.  How beautiful is that? I am redeemed. And this is what gives me joy, the fact that God is in the process of redeeming ALL of His creation, and He will one day come live among us.  That is the day that I am waiting for, and the hope that holds my gaze when I don’t know how to deal with my own sin or the struggles that come my way. 

In many ways, being here at Covenant has really increased my sensitivity to how much this world doesn’t reflect the Lord’s original intention and desire for His creation.  We still retain the image of God, but it is a broken and marred image.  The more I learn about how things were supposed to be, the more the absence of the “supposed to” pains me.  Yet, God is patient, and so I must be as well.  In the meantime, while I wait for the beautiful and incomprehensible reality that awaits me (and all of the Church) when the Lord will make all things new, I will strive to bring some of that redemption here on this earth. 

“‘Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’  He who was seated on the throne said, ‘I am making everything new!’…” Revelation 21:3-5a

Amen.  Come, Lord Jesus.

A Stretch of Faith

So, despite my ideal intentions of blogging more often, I have not even considered updating this blog in a very long time.  But, a new life and new adventures are leading me to want to write again.  I’ve just moved to St. Louis to study Counseling at Covenant Theological Seminary, away from most of my family and friends, and since I won’t be around much I think this blog might be a great way for anyone back home to keep updated on my life.  Hopefully I will have some time to update semi-often :)

Transitions are usually pretty difficult for me.  I like structure in my life, and I always function better when I have a plan and when I know what is going to happen.  So, any time life throws a dramatic change my way, I tend to get anxious and it takes me a while to adjust to a new routine and structure.  So, moving to a new city, going to a new school and meeting all new people...lets just say it hasn’t been easy so far.  I think I will like it here. I really do believe that.  But right now its taking a lot for me to trust the Lord with where my life is heading.  The good thing about that is I know it is growing and stretching my faith, something I long for and pray for consistently.  I want my life to reflect Christ, and so that is going to mean stepping outside of my comfort zone, and often times dying to myself.  It’s not easy, but it is worth it.

I know that this is truth...that trials and changes and difficulties are a refining fire for my faith and character.  Even though I may feel unsure and a bit anxious, and even though my flesh might be telling me to hide and give in to my feelings of fear, I am going to choose to believe the truth.  Thankfully, the Lord has been faithful to me so many times in the past that it is not difficult to look back and remind myself of how He remains with me and is for me.  

This past year has been anything but easy.  I’ve been hit by a few different waves of emotional, financial and relational trials that have left me feeling exhausted and vulnerable, but I can already feel that my faith has been strengthened.  I’m interested to see how the Lord will use what I’ve been through and learned over this past year.  But for right now, I’m along for the ride, trusting the Lord, walking by faith and filling my mind and heart with truth.  

One thing I would also love to do with this blog is to also keep anyone who is interested updated on where the Lord is leading me in ministry.  Right now I could use some prayer as I look for a job where I can build relationships with people and have opportunities to share the Gospel.  One of the main things the Lord taught me throughout this year is how important it is to be an ambassador for Christ wherever I am, whenever He leads me.  

“ In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” 1 Peter 1:6-9

Dying to Live

So, i havent blogged in a while. And by a while I mean months.  I would like to attribute this to the fact that I have had nothing to say, but anyone who knows me the least bit well will definitely attest to the fact that rarely do I not have something to say. The truth is, the past few months have been pretty difficult, and the idea of taking time to sit down and write a blog post has seemed rather overwhelming.  I reached 100% of my support goal around the second week of September, and jumped into ministry pretty much right away.  Since then, I've been meeting with students, going to conferences, and trying to adjust to the many changes that have taken place in my life since May. 


Speaking of changes, I don't think I could have expected how difficult it would be to continue living in the same place I have the past four years, now that I have graduated.  It is probably one of the hardest parts of transitioning out of college, mostly because everything around me is a reminder of what my life used to look like. Oxford is the same. Miami is the same. But I am not the same.  The Lord definitely used this summer and raising support to grow me in significant ways, but everything around me speaks to who I used to be and the people I love who once were a daily part of my life here. Change is never easy, and this amount of change has the potential to lead a person into isolation, and making them question where God's goodness will show up amongst a life that feels strange and lonely.  I don't think I am the only person who feels this way at times, but even still, sharing it with others definitely makes me feel vulnerable. However, I think its essential in order for me to also share what the Lord has been teaching me through it all.


I am currently reading a book called A Million Ways to Die, the Only Way to Live by Rick James. Throughout the book, the author talks about how we are called by Jesus not to just lay our physical lives down for Him, but to each day be willing to die small deaths to ourselves in order to find life in Jesus.  In one chapter, James discusses how God puts us through trials in order for us to have the opportunity to die to our expectations, our reputations, our comfort zones, and that this in turn stretches our faith and draws us into deeper relationship and dependence on the Lord. If following Jesus is what our lives are truly about, then we should embrace these faith stretching opportunities, not shrink back from them.  Suffering, trials and deaths that cause us to turn to God are what lead to that abundant life that Jesus talks about in scripture.  I find this a unique, refreshing, and biblical perspective on the Christian life, and incredibly applicable.


These past fews months have been riddled with opportunities for me to grow and be stretched in my view of God and how He works in my life.  Though many times I have wanted to run away or even hide from where the Lord has brought me, He has given me the strength through the power of His Spirit to walk through these trials instead of running away from them. To die to myself and my will, holding on to the promise that death is not the end, but only the means through which I gain a life worth living....a life that is consumed by my love for my Savior, and His love for me. True life.  Whatever happens in the future, I know that God is good, and when I fix my eyes on Him I will find true peace. It is when I shift my eyes from the cross that I start to doubt who God is.  The Lord has met me where I am over these past few months, and I have seen His faithfulness in ways that I never thought possible.  He has brought me joy and provided for me exactly what I have needed. And for that, my heart rejoices :)


Whenever God is trying to drive home a point in my life, He brings up the topic in multiple ways and situations in my life, so much so that it becomes almost comical.  This post is already long enough, so at the moment I won't continue on talking about the other many ways that the Lord has been teaching me about sacrifice, trails, and growths of faith.  But hopefully I will be able to sit down more this coming semester and share the many ways God is moving and working in my life to make me more like His Son. 


"Our Fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:10-11