So, i havent blogged in a while. And by a while I mean months. I would like to attribute this to the fact that I have had nothing to say, but anyone who knows me the least bit well will definitely attest to the fact that rarely do I not have something to say. The truth is, the past few months have been pretty difficult, and the idea of taking time to sit down and write a blog post has seemed rather overwhelming. I reached 100% of my support goal around the second week of September, and jumped into ministry pretty much right away. Since then, I've been meeting with students, going to conferences, and trying to adjust to the many changes that have taken place in my life since May.
Speaking of changes, I don't think I could have expected how difficult it would be to continue living in the same place I have the past four years, now that I have graduated. It is probably one of the hardest parts of transitioning out of college, mostly because everything around me is a reminder of what my life used to look like. Oxford is the same. Miami is the same. But I am not the same. The Lord definitely used this summer and raising support to grow me in significant ways, but everything around me speaks to who I used to be and the people I love who once were a daily part of my life here. Change is never easy, and this amount of change has the potential to lead a person into isolation, and making them question where God's goodness will show up amongst a life that feels strange and lonely. I don't think I am the only person who feels this way at times, but even still, sharing it with others definitely makes me feel vulnerable. However, I think its essential in order for me to also share what the Lord has been teaching me through it all.
I am currently reading a book called A Million Ways to Die, the Only Way to Live by Rick James. Throughout the book, the author talks about how we are called by Jesus not to just lay our physical lives down for Him, but to each day be willing to die small deaths to ourselves in order to find life in Jesus. In one chapter, James discusses how God puts us through trials in order for us to have the opportunity to die to our expectations, our reputations, our comfort zones, and that this in turn stretches our faith and draws us into deeper relationship and dependence on the Lord. If following Jesus is what our lives are truly about, then we should embrace these faith stretching opportunities, not shrink back from them. Suffering, trials and deaths that cause us to turn to God are what lead to that abundant life that Jesus talks about in scripture. I find this a unique, refreshing, and biblical perspective on the Christian life, and incredibly applicable.
These past fews months have been riddled with opportunities for me to grow and be stretched in my view of God and how He works in my life. Though many times I have wanted to run away or even hide from where the Lord has brought me, He has given me the strength through the power of His Spirit to walk through these trials instead of running away from them. To die to myself and my will, holding on to the promise that death is not the end, but only the means through which I gain a life worth living....a life that is consumed by my love for my Savior, and His love for me. True life. Whatever happens in the future, I know that God is good, and when I fix my eyes on Him I will find true peace. It is when I shift my eyes from the cross that I start to doubt who God is. The Lord has met me where I am over these past few months, and I have seen His faithfulness in ways that I never thought possible. He has brought me joy and provided for me exactly what I have needed. And for that, my heart rejoices :)
Whenever God is trying to drive home a point in my life, He brings up the topic in multiple ways and situations in my life, so much so that it becomes almost comical. This post is already long enough, so at the moment I won't continue on talking about the other many ways that the Lord has been teaching me about sacrifice, trails, and growths of faith. But hopefully I will be able to sit down more this coming semester and share the many ways God is moving and working in my life to make me more like His Son.
"Our Fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:10-11
